Editing

Keeping Track

As part of our editing process, we have a massive board where we detail out our spread outlines, what extra content goes on those pages, what we need, and its design status on a scale of 0-4, zero being blank and four being ready to print. This is extremely helpful when trying to edit because we can see what needs work still, what is missing, and how we are doing overall.

Abigail works on doing the spread layout for their Feb. 2022 issue of Inklings while other staffers work on story planning.

photo by: Paige Haluska

Editing Example No. 1

This editing example is from an issue of Tempus Canis I worked on. This story was written by someone who had no prior experience with this type of "news" writing, so I knew going into it that it would need some work. This is a little before and after highlighting the edits I made to the story and why.

Because it's an election year, most Americans are thinking about the future of our government, but have you ever wondered about the history of government and how we got to where we are today? Funny enough, we can actually thank the Romans for our government system, which was formed all the way back in 509 BC.

When you think about civilizations in 500 BC, you wouldn’t think they would have a senate and elections, but the Romans did. One of the strongest comparisons our republic has to theirs is we have three branches, legislative, executive, and judicial, and so did they. In addition, the Romans had a checks and balances system allowing no single branch to rule over the others. While we have many comparisons, our branches are composed differently.

Let’s start off with the legislative branch which in the United States, we would group the Senate and House together. Similarly, the Roman’s legislative branch was made up of the Senate and the assemblies which was essentially the House. While all positions were based on elections, the Roman Senate only advised which differs to our Senate which actually passes laws, regulates commerce, and has the power to declare war on other nations. However, the popular assemblies and House have very similar positions.

The next branch, the executive branch, actually has some very noteworthy contrasts. We are only used to have one president who issues executive orders and negotiates treaties, but imagine having two presidents. This is what happened in Rome, they were called the Consuls and held very similar positions to the president. The only catch to having two presidents is that they could veto any law the other came up with. You can imagine how difficult that must have been for both Consuls trying to pass their own agenda making sure the other did not disrupt any plans. Luckily for the citizens of Rome, the Consuls had one year terms and were forbidden to run consecutively.

That brings us to the last branch of government, the judicial branch. Likewise to the executive branch, the Romans had some stark differences in regards to how the judicial branch was made up. For one, they could elect eight judges in their version of the Supreme Court. In contrast, we have nine to make sure that there is no tie. The Roman judges also had a lot of responsibility over Rome’s army.

As you can probably tell, even with our distinct differences, we have set up our government incredibly similar to the Romans. I believe that we have taken the core ideas, and have set them up well. Of course their structure of government was far from perfect due to how corrupt the system was and the fact many politicians in Rome lost their lives because of policies made. But our country has taken into consideration what worked and what did not work for the citizens. For instance, we do not have two presidents because that idea just does not operate well in practice, but we did keep the House or popular assemblies.

Even though Rome’s government was by no means flawless, I would argue that it did serve as an excellent template for our country and many others, and because of that, we should be grateful that they helped future nations thrive.

When one think about civilizations in 500 BC, most wouldn’t think they would have a senate and elections, but the Romans did. One of the strongest comparisons our republic has to theirs is we have three government branches, legislative, executive, and judicial, and so did they. In addition, the Romans had a check and balance system allowing no single branch to rule over the others.

Let’s start off with the legislative branch in the United States, the Senate and House grouped together. Similarly, the Roman’s legislative branch was made up of the Senate and the assemblies which were essentially like our House. While all positions were based on elections, the Roman Senate only advised their government, which differs from our Senate which actually passes laws, regulates commerce, and has the power to declare war on other nations.

The executive branch, has some very noteworthy contrasts. The U.S. has one president who issues executive orders and negotiates treaties, but imagine having two presidents. This is what happened in Rome. They were called the Consuls and held very similar positions to a president. The only catch to having two presidents is that they could veto any law the other came up with. It must have been difficult with both Consuls trying to pass their own agenda while making sure the other did not disrupt any plans. Luckily for the citizens of Rome, the Consuls had one year elected terms and were forbidden to run consecutively.

This leads into the last branch of government, the judicial branch. Like the executive branch, the Romans had some stark differences in regards to how the judicial branch was made up. For one, they could elect eight judges in their version of the Supreme Court. In contrast, the U.S. Supreme Court has nine to prevent ties. The Roman judges were responsible for Rome’s army unlike today's judicial branch.

Even with some distinct differences, we have set up our government incredibly similarly to the Rome's. We have taken their core ideas and adjusted them to suite our needs. Of course, their structure of government was far from perfect, but even though Rome’s government was by no means flawless, it did serve as a template for many modern countries. Because of this, the Romans helped future nations grow and thrive through their own governments.

The primary edits I made to this article were about word choice and being more concise. I think the key with this article was that there were a lot of personal pronouns used when it wasn't really necessary and there were multiple transitions for each subject, one at the end of a paragraph and one at the beginning of the next. I Working with my sponsor at the time, Mrs. Sara Wietbrock, we concluded that the conclusion was just not factually accurate and needed to be changed. With some help from my sponsor and consulting with the writer of the article, we came up with a new conclusion which is highlighted in green.

Editing Example No. 2

This story was written by me a while back when we realized that our school was shifting the yearly school schedule. At the time, I had struggled with the angle, and I think that there are definitely some things I could have improved on when working on the mini article. On the left is the original and on the right is what I would change now that I have more experience as a writer.

The days of spending winter break agonizing over unfinished projects and finals is no more with the approval of a new school schedule for the 2021-2022 school year. With this new schedule students will finally be able to get their much needed break because the first semester will be ending prior to winter break. Also included with this new schedule will be an extra day added to both the fall and Thanksgiving breaks making them both three days rather than the standard two of past years.

With these new changes to the school calendar, it would also mean taking one week off the 2020-2021 summer vacation. Freshman Morgan Eaton however, doesn’t see this as an issue as the benefits far outweigh the consequences in her eyes.

“I think it's better that our semester ends before winter break so that kids don’t forget the information before going back and having to take our finals and stuff. I mean, it sucks that we are getting time taken off in the summer, but, academically, I feel it is better to end the semester before winter break,” Eaton said.

There are some students though who enjoy the schedule we currently have and would rather it stay the same, even if it means not getting to finish the semester before winter break.

“It goes both ways. I see that [ the new schedule] as a benefit because I see some classes that push their finals before [winter break] or after and it kind of sucks. It is nice to have the semester end before Christmas break because I wouldn’t have to worry about coming back to school and having to finish that semester,” junior Jace Churchill said. “[But, overall,] I would rather have the shorter breaks. I like, with the shorter breaks, how it is set up now.”

Psychology teacher Matthew Barno also weighed in on these new changes and feels that while there may be some bumps along the way, there is no harm in trying something new.

“Overall, I don’t think it hurts to try something new. New calendar provides some positive opportunities for teachers and students alike, but just like anything else I am sure there will be some growing pains or unforeseen consequences that everyone will have to make adjustments for,” Barno said.

Ending the semester before winter break will alleviate a lot of stress for students and with the extended Thanksgiving break, it will also help alleviate some stress for teachers as well.

“Being able to not have final exams directly after winter break is really awesome. I think it alleviates some pressures or even complications as students try to get back into the swing of things,” Barno said. “Also, especially with Thanksgiving break, the day before Thanksgiving has been traditionally low in attendance, so it helps to not have to worry about what to teach that day when you could have large portions of your classes missing.”

Like Barno, Eaton also sees these new changes giving huge academic benefits to students. In her mind this poses great advantages even though it will result in cutting one week off the 2020-2021 summer vacation.

“I think that since school is starting after the fair, it will be beneficial to students because that way the semester ends before we go on our winter break so we don't forget or lose the retained information like what happened this year from taking our finals after the two weeks. Personally, I believe that academically this is a smarter decision,” Eaton said. “It will be nice to have an extra day [during fall and thanksgiving break]. I think it could be just to make everything easier with the semester ending. So I think the benefits do outweigh the challenges that come with it.”

Although it may be a little frustrating at first, overall, this new calendar is something that teachers and students alike will reap the benefits of.

“I think the first year, the shorter summer break might be disappointing for students. I think the longer breaks during the school years allows families to travel and such a little more easily. I guess time will tell how it will impact everyone,” Barno said.

There are some students though who enjoy the schedule we currently have and would rather it stay the same, even if it means not getting to finish the semester before winter break. [There are some students though, who like the current schedule as is, but students like junior Jace Churchill can see the pros and cons of both schedules.]

Psychology teacher Matthew Barno also weighed in on these new changes and feels that while there may be some bumps along the way, there is no harm in trying something new.

“Overall, I don’t think it hurts to try something new. [The] New calendar provides some positive opportunities for teachers and students alike, but just like anything else I am sure there will be some growing pains or unforeseen consequences that everyone will have to make adjustments for,” Barno said.

[According to Barno,] Ending the semester before winter break will alleviate a lot of stress for students and with the extended Thanksgiving break, it will also help alleviate some stress for teachers as well.

Although it may be a little frustrating at first, overall, this new calendar is something that teachers and students alike will reap the benefits of.

Overall, I am not super happy with how this story turned out. I think that while there was merit there, it didn't have a great angle making the story fall a little flat. I think I definitely should have reangled the story to make it fit the positive outlook I was getting from people when I did interviews. I didn't have a whole lot I would edit , but I did notice that some of my transitions didn't flow well and I was missing some key words that should have been included to make quotes flow better, highlighted in green.

Abigail Godsen

Editing

Keeping Track

Editing Example No. 1

Editing Example No. 2